I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
