i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
