if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
