but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
