Jerry, you need to find god
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
