Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
