Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We got so high we made milksteak
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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