too bad you live with your parents still
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
