i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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