1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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