the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
