I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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