Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
