You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
