Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize