he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
