I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
someone owes me an orgasm
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
this is an emotional support booty call
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