she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
