The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.