he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.