i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
