Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.

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  (917): I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer. http://tfl.nu/px5x
  Replies (1) Good night (796) Bad night (1026)
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  (650): View more from California

  I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

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  (650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now. http://tfl.nu/zi6o
  Replies (16) Good night (1606) Bad night (762)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month

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  (215): i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month http://tfl.nu/ruzp
  Replies (4) Good night (2072) Bad night (656)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times

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  (240): oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times http://tfl.nu/z2iz
  Replies (12) Good night (6544) Bad night (1008)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

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  (336): he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater. http://tfl.nu/8ycg
  Replies (3) Good night (3406) Bad night (1033)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.

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  (703): Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge. http://tfl.nu/8cnn
  Replies (4) Good night (3003) Bad night (866)
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  (+25): View more from

  We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?

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  (+25): We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them? http://tfl.nu/7ecx
  Replies (9) Good night (908) Bad night (2542)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.

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  (618): You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel. http://tfl.nu/6eyp
  Replies (4) Good night (2292) Bad night (878)
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  (949): View more from California

  Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.

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  (949): Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable. http://tfl.nu/3v7d
  Replies (6) Good night (943) Bad night (1308)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.

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  (913): Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/5vu2
  Replies (5) Good night (1671) Bad night (873)
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  (707): View more from California

  He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you

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  (707): He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you http://tfl.nu/2xma
  Replies (2) Good night (855) Bad night (319)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.

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  (901): Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/r0ud
  Replies (11) Good night (1680) Bad night (392)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.

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  (479): I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital. http://tfl.nu/6mwi
  Replies (1) Good night (724) Bad night (309)
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  (315): View more from New York

  It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.

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  (315): It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people. http://tfl.nu/powz
  Replies (2) Good night (1041) Bad night (300)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.

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  (310): I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool. http://tfl.nu/mhjn
  Replies (3) Good night (1038) Bad night (506)

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