she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
