Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
