i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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