she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
