just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
