My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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