you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
