i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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