i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
