Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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