Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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