we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
