the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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