I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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