I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
