Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
