so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
