Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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