So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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