You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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