her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
