Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
