I met the friendliest cop last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
