you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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