and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
