James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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