how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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