The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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