im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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