he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
