Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
