Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
