I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
