no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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