That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My liver just had a heart attack.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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