Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
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