i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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