Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
