Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
NoShamevember. You game?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
