If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
