That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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