It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
