just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
