Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
