I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Two words: blizzard sex
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
