I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
