how can u be prego again
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
