dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize