she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
