her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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